It's been two whole days since those Iggles gave me the wiggles and sent those silly Cardinal people packing back on the 6:10 to Yuma, but I can still scarcely believe it happened. I have spent these two days mostly silence, wandering throughout the garden, surveying the flora and fauna, naming things. That erstwhile lumbering quarterback, the one who was yanked around by the fat man's disciples, call him "Phoenix." (Wait, that's kind of awkward. Britney Spears will have to do.) The offensive line that looked more like a sieve than a seawall? "The Rock of Ages," perhaps? Westbrook even gets to chip in, as the Holy Ghost. NOTE: The demoted Reggie Brown gets no biblical reference. He must therefore make do with Patrick Ewing.
More seriously, I have struggled with what to make of the Eagles' shocker. I'm really not sure. But i have thoughts, voluminous thoughts, which tends to be a commonplace condition among those who spend two days in the garden, naming things that already have names. My first thought is that this game was plainly a sea-change game. The Eagles have shown that they can square off against a playoff-caliber team and beat them soundly with a ton of negativity swirling around nearly every key player on the roster.
This performance is obviously a great sign, as it takes considerable skill, poise and self-confidence to beat a winning team in the NFL as convincingly as the Eagles did. We have known that this team has ample talent, which is what has made watching this team fail to translate that talent into wins so frustrating. Now, these Eagles have proven to themselves that they are capable of playing well, something that they have not done since Jeff Garcia's great run a couple of years ago. That much is good, solid and unassailable.
So, Reid's relief in the wake of the game that potentially salvaged his job, at least for now, was warranted. But there are still things that concern me, here, given that the fat man's radiance seems to be newly bereft of any hint that they still have some tough games ahead of them, probably none tougher than next weekend in New York.
Namely, I believe that that Cardinals are a paper tiger. First, they lead the worst division in football, with the Ninest in second place at 3-8, the Rams in third at 2-9, and the Seahawks at 2-10. Second, the Cardinals' 7-5 record is extremely soft, with their only win against a team that doesn't stink coming over the Cowboys at home, in overtime, three days before the Cowboys' panic trade for Roy Williams. In that game, the Cowboys out-gained the Cardinals 374 yards to 276 yards, committed 1 turnover to the Cardinals' 3, possessed the ball longer than the Cardinals and still managed to avoid winning. Write this down: the Cowboys are a dysfunctional football team.
The Eagles did do several things very well, and could not have played a better football game. McNabb was great. Westbrook had one of the better games I've seen him play. The offensive line looked fantastic, except for Jean-Gilles getting maxed out, which looked awful by the way. But I think that the significance of these things starts to unravel a bit when placed under further scrutiny.
Ray Parillo, in a fond, gentle, grateful piece, attempts to invoke the Shakespearean "less is more" clause, in order to explain the welcome spike in production from the receivers. But I'm not buying it, and neither should you. The Cardinals looked flat as hell. They came out against a struggling quarterback and a besieged offensive line, a team begging to be absolutely blitzkrieged, and proceeded to play in soft coverage schemes that tended to avoid blitzing at all costs. They didn't put a spy on McNabb, who made them pay for it with a series of dandy little scampers, and nifty little scrambles. (It's so cute when he does that!) When the finally started to blitz, they made groan-worthy mistakes like leaving Westbrook completely uncovered, allowing him to score his second receiving touchdown in truly dopey style.
On the flip side of the ball, Kurt Warner looked every bit the bumble puss he did before the ninny took over, hurrying, then holding on too long, then forcing the ball to Anquan Boldin, who was clearly off his game, but who had a better excuse for this than anyone ever ought to have. If you're drinking right now, please do him a favor and drink to Anquan Boldin. The man deserves it.
Next week, the Eagles face a team with none of these weaknesses. The Giants, or at least Steve Spagnuolo, have clearly read the Greatest Hits of Heinz Guderian, and will really test the birds' offensive line. Eli Manning, though he is a ninny, is a very intelligent and able ninny, and he doesn't hand the ball off; he goes bowling with Brandon Jacobs. They could always shoot themselves in the foot leg, but ever since they won that Stuporbowl thingy, they've really been looking like a good football team. (As a side note, no one ever seems to think this joke is funny. I told my girlfriend's stepfather, and he just looked at me, thoughtfully, then said: "yeah, they really have looked pretty good." Not even a chuckle. And I thought it was really funny. Sent me into paroxysms of self-doubt and self-loathing. As in: "gees, Rob, that's the best you got?" But I still think it was funny. So I'm asking you: was this a funny joke? Let me know. Please? My sanity and wellbeing is at stake here. And you can have the satisfaction that you either saved a good joke or killed a bad joke, dead in it's tracks. 'Cause really, the Giants didn't really look that great going into... )
Anyway. the Giants are defending champs. They've got the swagger. They had a big win at the Linc earlier this year, and they're going to be hungry for more. But we could be heroes, if just for one day. I don't know who the Eagles are right now, and God is my witness I have no idea what will happen in those meadowed lands, but I do know this: by the end of the day next Sunday, we will know more. And knowledge is power. I guess.
P.S. In the course of my research for this piece, I came across this little bit of wonderful on youtube. Fans of awkward things English, check this out. This kid is out of control. After you do that, proceed with your life, knowing that if this guy said something, the opposite is true.
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