We know, all of us do, of the poor, impossibly impoverished, impossible plight of our poor beautiful boys. Oh, but what to call it? What to say? The birds were... flightless, incapable, pitiable and pathetic. And we know it will get worse, before all is said and done. And so I write to you all, to reassure you that this passage of time, as painful, as low and nearly un-watchable as it is, will pass. And I have a plan. Not for the Eagles, mind you, but for something nearly as important. I have a plan for your souls, through this winter of our discontent.
In the minutes, hours and days following this new debacle, people felt a lot of things; people said a lot of things too. 5 himself, in a rare spate of verbose honesty, said “wow.” Phil Sheridan makes the case that Reid was classless, tasking an underling with telling Mcnabb that he was being pulled from what was, at that point a winnable ballgame. He goes on to assert that there has been, for the first time in their history together, a fundamental break between them to the point that Donovan was benched “not because of injury, but because of his performance,” a “line that cannot be uncrossed.” Sheridan is exactly right. But he doesn't go on to spell out the writing that is right up there on the wall.
That's my job, so here we go: McNabb is done in this city. There are athletes, it is true, who have overcome the breach of trust of the sort that exists between towns and their franchise quarterback, athletes who have gone on to prove their worth on supreme stages. Paul Pierce comes immediately to mind, as does Manny Ramirez. But not that will not happen in this town, and it will not happen with this athlete. We care too much, and he has given too much of himself.
It happened ten years ago. Ten years ago, a fat man no one had ever heard of came to town, drafted a fair-haired boy no one in this city approved of, and then set our division ablaze behind an exciting, aggressive defense and a offense that rumbled ahead with all the pizzazz, excitement and risky behavior of a toothbrush. Throughout what has been the single most successful run in the history of the Eagles' franchise, there has existed a strange duality, this risk-leveraged defense and the offense you knew would run the ball only on third and eight, that has been difficult to grow fully comfortable with.
You watch Reid in the best of times, and in the worst of times, and he is consistently and deliberately un-insightful. Then, one giggled with glee, delighted at this stonewalling approach to the usual business of beating up on the G-men, the big D-men, and those adorable Native Americans, knowing that with this captain, our captain, the ship could never sink. You trusted him. Now, you almost wonder if he ever knew what made the thing tick.
The eagle has landed, and the other shoes have dropped. You look at tape of the Nova Care Complex, and you are unsure if it is a state of the art, multimillion-dollar orgasmo of a football facility, or if it is simply an exclusive geriatrics center. One never knows. The real focus of the Eagles, now, must be on the long-term future. The short term has become increasingly irrelevant. It probably makes sense to fire the most successful coach this franchise has ever had. Kevin Kolb really is the heir apparent, apparently. All of this means that we must go back to the drawing board.
I can't tell you what they ought to draw. I couldn't have told you that FredEx wouldn't be able to run a route on the ground, in the air or on railroad tracks, but I told you that I have a blueprint for your souls. And I'd never lie. So, have you heard the good news?
1) We will never ever ever ever ever have to watch Rodney Peete, Bobby Hoying, Koy/Ty Detmer ever again. I guarantee it.
2) There is the prospect of interesting interviews. The decade-long phenomenon of McNabb and his sensei tag-teaming to frustrate everyone has gotten old. Reid has brainwashed McNabb to the extent that his passing (and very true) comment that we needed "more weopons" a while back was shocking in the extreme. A travesty, through and through. Could Charlie Manuel be persuaded to translate for Reid in his lame-duckhood? Can't you see this: Reid whispering in Charlie's ear, while he sits there looking confused, gamely trying to string together coherent sentences? I would do nearly anything to see this happen.
3) In an overlooked story: "THE PHILLIES ARE THE 2008 WORLD CHAMPIONS OF BASEBALL!!!" I mean, I'm still fired up about this.
4) Saint Samuel
5) There are good memories. Sweet memories. We owe our boys an honest and forthright trip through memory lane. I'm serious about this. Sports are a supreme proof of the Buddhist idea that all of life is suffering. The only things you have are: anticipating the good times, enjoying the good times, and remembering them after they are long gone. The third step is important.
6) When all else fails, remember that Eli Manning is a ninny.
7) Even Modrak cannot outsmart Newton. Every action does have an equal and opposite reaction. Modrak found an edge in understanding the salary cap before everyone else did. This was important, because he was able to spend money at the right positions, with guys like Runyan and (the good) TO, and to find good deals at other positions (the Jeremiah Trotter experience, part 2) in a manner that the Eagles did a better job with this than any team other than the Patriots. It was when other teams figured the cap out, the Eagles miss with some picks, they overreached on some free agents, the (bad) TO thing happened, and McNabb and Dawkins got old and beat up at the same time, that things got out of hand. That was a mouthful, no? Point is, it's hard to overcome some of these things, let alone all of them. And few of these decisions were unpopular at the time.
8) Last I checked, Darfur would love your old Mike Mamula, Freddie Mitchell, Jerome McDougle, Winston Justice, Quinton Caver, Jevon Kearse, TO, Duce Staley, and so forth jerseys. Charity is a wonderful thing.
9) Westbrook.
10) At least you're not one of these idiots.
11) Speaking of those idiots, can we all bear in mind that the Cowboys haven't won a playoff game since 1996? Probably won't this year, either. Yeeeeeha! Its beautiful, isn't it?
12) Parity in the NFL is so out of control now that any team, if compentent and a little lucky, can emerge from a dark place to a playoff team in just a couple of years. Food for thought.
So, if you can't bear to watch tomorrow, if you are in despair, one can understand. But there is a pot of gold down the rainbow. I think. Probably. Possibly... but wear a warm coat. It's gonna be a long winter.
